A Letter to New Moms

This week I have really enjoyed reading the "Letters to New Moms" over at E, Myself and I.  Each day a lady wrote a letter to new moms giving advice, encouragement and food for thought.  The guest posters were all VERY good and I enjoyed them a lot.  All week I debated whether or not I would also write a letter, as E encouraged us to do.  I feel like I have a lot to say, but it seems quite repetitive.  But anyway, here goes... 

Dear New Mommy,

Can you believe it??  You actually have a baby!  Maybe you are like me, and even though you were pregnant for NINE MONTHS, you still can't believe you actually have a baby!  You'd think the nine months of carrying him/her around in your belly would have made you quite aware that you this day would come, but alas... here it is, and it's still unbelievable! 

Now, my little guy is only 6 months old, so I still am a "new mommy," but I still have a little bit of advice to offer the "newer mommies" out there...  

1.  Pray hard.

Pray for strength.  Pray for energy.  Pray for wisdom.  Pray for guidance.  Pray.  Pray.  Pray.  Let your  new phrase be "Do your best.  Pray that it's blessed.  Let God take care of the rest."  Really, can you do any better than that? 

It will be hard.  It will be challenging.  Things you never thought would happen, might happen.  It will be ok.  

2.  Throw any expectations you have about what motherhood will be like OUT THE WINDOW.  

Let this be another new expression in life (trust me, I've said it a million times already) "The only thing predictable about a baby is that they are unpredictable!"  And boy, it is true.  Just when you think you have gotten down a "routine" things will change.  Just when you think you will literally not survive another night without good sleep, sleep will come!   But it might take awhile... so let me repeat, GET RID OF THE EXPECTATIONS. 

For me, from my baby's birth to basically right now, nothing has gone as I had "planned" it in my brain... and that's ok.  Everything has worked itself out in a wonderful way.  

3.  Don't feel guilty if you don't love EVERY second of this new journey. 

People will tell you this is the best time of your life.  But, I am going to assume that they mean motherhood in general... not THIS exact time.  I spent a lot of the first few days and weeks thinking I wasn't "loving it" enough.  Not my baby... but the ins and outs of everyday life.  Getting up in the middle of the night is not fun... neither is a crying baby... neither are postpartum emotions... neither is your new body... none of those things are fun... so if you feel like this isn't the best time of your life, I think that's ok. 

4.  Let's just change #3 to "Don't Feel Guilty About __________"

Don't let your family, society, other bloggers, friends, the random stranger who offers her two-cents make you feel guilty about the decisions that you make as a mother.  Consult God, consult your husband and do what is best for your FAMILY.  If you have to supplement or use formula, don't feel guilty.  If you have to go back to work sooner that you'd like, don't feel guilty.  If you let your husband take the baby so that you can have a few hours alone, don't feel guilty.  If your dog never gets walked anymore... well, throw a ball down the stairs a few times for "exercise" and feel only mildly guilty...

5.  Don't compare and/or judge. 

Comparing yourself, your baby, your husband, etc. to anyone else is NOT going to make you feel better... and if it does, you're probably judging... and that's not good either.  Comparing your baby will REALLY not help... but don't compare yourself either... Don't compare yourself to the person who is back in pre-pregnancy clothes in a few weeks or days... but on the other hand, don't judge the person who is still wearing maternity clothes long after having a baby... because one day you might wake up and realize YOU are now that person!  And I'm going to guess you hope no one is judging you. :)  But really, don't compare... it will only make you feel bad.  When you start to compare, revert back to rule #4 and remember that you are doing what is best for YOUR family!

6.  Let others help you. 

Let your husband take care of the baby.  Let your friends bring you dinners.  Let your mother-in-law do your laundry.  Let your mommy make you breakfast! :)

7.  Remember that this stage will pass...

...and as rough as it may be and as hard as it may seem now, you might just miss it when it's gone.  One day you'll find yourself driving to work listening to "It Won't Be Like This For Long" by Darius Rucker and you'll be crying... because it WASN'T like that for long!  Your "up all the time" baby will eventually become your sleeping baby.  Your "fussy" baby will eventually become your laughing and smiling baby... it will happen... eventually.  You'll soon forget the bad parts... and one day you'll wake up and realize it's not bad anymore... it fact, it has become quite good!

Good luck!  

Love, 

Erica 

If you have not done so yet, head over to E, Myself and I and read all the letters!